TIDYING UP

Loss also requires physically tidying up what needs to be removed from our present vicinity or dwelling.Returning home each day you are faced with all things your loved one has left behind.As my husband’s death was so sudden, many things featured as a stage in which he was on and abruptly exited.

In the car his mobile phone ear plugs were left as if he would return any minute to continue using them,his computer/laptop was left on the last screens he worked on,his shoes were in the hallway as if he had just stepped into another room and so where all his clothes hung in the wardrobe as if he was returning to pick what he shall wear for the day.

Having to see this daily can be quite tough.You have to move on gradually by going through each section of things he owned and decide on what to keep, who to give and where to donate items.

The process of clearing out will bring moments in which to reminisce in tears and in laughter,memories of silly things he did or would like to wear.

Closure for you is to tidy up these items and see it as making room for the new ( that could mean for you, facing gradually that he won’t be sharing that space with you any long.

I cleared stuff out gradually after 3 months as l was aware his possessions can become a shrine or idol that l might unhealthily hold on to.I kept key items for my children e.g. his ties, some shirts etc my girls could use in plays.

Part of clearing out sets you on the path to finding closure and embracing to a certain extent your current reality.The numbness you feel starts to gradually subside when you start this process.

The kids should be involved in this as it allows them some closure and they can take items they want.Be award the process of grief takes you through a rollercoaster of emotions from anger,tears,fear,etc. These emotions can shift at any given time – especially within the first year of loss.

When l cleared out l found some strength to donate his clothes to charities that could sell and raise funds for their cause.I also gave stuff to people l know where in need of certain items.

The process of clearing out is painful initially but when you have done it you feel an element of accomplishment,as you have faced successfully one of the many hurdles ahead.

Signing off now – remember there is always hope after loss.

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