TIME

When we loose someone very close which in this case is a spouse, our days become longer and the nights sometimes daunting, as it feels quieter and empty.You are left in a silence with your reality and thoughts.

So It’s important to plan your days with much precision.While l was off work l would drop my daughter at school,come home, tidy up for less than an hour and ensure to step out of the house by 9.30.am to go for my walk.

During my walk l listen to praise and worship Christian music,pray and meditate on scriptural affirmations addressing my specific fears and concerns in that moment.

I reserved moments of silence to listen to my own thoughts,get clarity on potential decisions and also bask in the sheer peace of being by myself.

When l return home l feel refreshed and energised.Sometimes l would have arranged to meet a friend for lunch or plan my walk with a friend on the agreement not to talk too much but focus on brisk walking quietly.

By the time my daughter is due for school pick up l feel l have had alone time and l have a reserve of energy to give her the attention required.

Walking daily improved my sleep/rest at night and made me much fitter,I also spent time reading other people’s testimonies on how to cope being widowed and understand the grief process.This encourages and enables you to see there is hope after your loss

I also went back to swimming which was always a sport l enjoyed.I found each time l swam felt l had a body massage as it is gentle on our joints and strengthens your whole body.You leave relaxed and more focused.

I decided also not to watch to much mundane TV only films or programmes that made me laugh or i could learn from.

I also tried to keep a daily dairy to log huge milestones,this enabled me to measure my progress generally.

For the first year l found it very difficult to go to places that l enjoyed going to with my late spouse so l made conscious efforts to avoid them.However anytime l stepped into those settings without hesitating l felt l had achieved a milestone.

One of my flaws though in the first year was spending time shopping on line to buy luxuries or replace worn out clothing.I focused on maintaining the style l would have lived if my spouse was here or he would afford me.

Thank God l could afford it.Perhaps it would have been wiser to reserve all spending until l was emotionally stronger.

I also reviewed my career and decided to make further strides in professional development in areas of my work that l enjoyed the most.

I applied to study,got interviewed and was successful,but deferred the offer until a year later when l was sure this is what l needed.Grief can affect greatly how you view things. Spontaneity is something you must try to avoid in the first year as you will save yourself money.

If i had just lost a spouse in this period of the Coronavirus pandemic,lock down and social distancing i wonder what i would replace my swimming and outgoing activities with.

I guess i would have to use apps that will enable me to engage with others in small groups.I am sure mobile face time would be invaluable.However i can’t contemplate my late husbands funeral only being attended by a limited few.

It must be devastating and double distressing for those going through this at this time.My deepest Condolences to you and family.

‘Grace to you and peace from God our Father’ 2 Corinthians 1:2

Signing off now,there is always hope after loss.

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